The never-read poem

When I look at you the problem is that I don’t see enough
The dim light of my bedroom makes your face blurry, leaves it
And those parts of you which are in the circle of light‒I don’t
      want to see

Sometimes I wonder why I am with you
Although I know you were the best option for me at that time
But now I am not so sure
For some reason I am not

I was never sure about you
Even when you were right by my side
Your cold hands sliding through me
Leaving nothing behind but just emptiness
And when your fresh mint breath slightly touched my nose
I wanted nothing but to feel it on my heart
And for some reason I didn’t

Of course distance makes it harder
 Makes me think about you only in the morning and in the
Sometimes at around three or four pm
But never more than that

I answer when you text me, sometimes I text first just to check
      that I am still needed
I ask our friends if you are still waiting for me
But the problem is not youIt never was
Probably not even me
It’s Us

And so I keep wondering why I can’t go away
Why every time when I go out of the plane I look for your
      face in the crowd of smiles
Although I hardly remember how exactly you look like
And I still want you to love me
But I don’t want to love you back
I never did

I know what you will think when you read this
You will say I played you
But maybe we were both played
You never got the love you deserved
And I never got to love you back

So let these words stay unnoticed
Just like so many other unnoticed things between us
When the time is right I will go away
I promise

Because what I really want is for us to die not with each

With somebody else