Life is a mess – they said

Life is a mess‒they said.
Life is full of surprises‒they repeated again and again.
But I looked up to the cloudless forever sleepless sky and
Is it actually that hard to predict what’s next?
Aren’t we the ones who put the comma or the question mark??
Didn’t I make each of those mistakes consciously not letting life
      put a period?

Now when my friend calls and tells me she was raped when she
took a half of ecstasy pill
Do I not blame myself for not paying more attention to her
      because I saw this coming but I didn’t give a damn?
And when she tells me her new boyfriend was or still is addicted
      to meph why do I say nothing?
I don’t give a shit but do I do this because I choose so or because
      I cannot do otherwise?
Because when she goes lower and lower with each step literally
      falling apart I am too busy with my own life to even try to
Or maybe this is just an excuse.
I say to myself I am tired and nothing can be done here.
And I am sure I choose to do so.
So is it a surprise that she will end up like my other ex-suicid-
Because I wouldn’t be actually surprised.
Because when this girl with always covered hands turns up on
      my front door completely losing her shit not even being able
      to stand properly I don’t open the door.
I don’t open the door because I am with my boyfriend.
And so they both are my fault at the end, because